oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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