You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
