Soap is not a condiment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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