i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
