She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
