worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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