Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
