i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
