Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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