She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
