remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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