the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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