You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
