Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
