hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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