Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
