College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
