Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
