I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
