so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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