She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
