so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
