Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
