I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
