Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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