I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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