I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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