be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
