How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
