Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
