My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
