I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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