im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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