Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
