I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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