ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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