she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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