DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
