Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
