Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
