Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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