Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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