did you get engaged???
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
