I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
