4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
