This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
