oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
