after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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