I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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