she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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