She just used a chaser for red wine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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