i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
