Umm I'm too high to move.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize