Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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