She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont even know how to be here
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
