why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You're a disaster
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