my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
