How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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