giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
