I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
