Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
