I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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