Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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