I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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