there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
