I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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