Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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