All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
