How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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