He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
