i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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