I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
