I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
