He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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