I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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