I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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