Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
