Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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