I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
