I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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