and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
